This is a different kind of newsletter. It’s about how I don’t want to write.
Well to be honest it’s about how I don’t want to write one specific book. No it’s not the one that I am hammering away on now for almost two years, Sādhana-sāra-dīpikā. That’s OK, although it’s still not 100% in line with where my heart is.
The book I don’t want to write – or rather complete, since I’ve done 100 pages already – is Codex 2, The Varṇas. I’ve never not finished a book, although I have certainly struggled with writing some. When I blissfully completed the first volume of Nava-vraja-mahimā, I realised that it would take another five books to finish glorifying New Vraja-dhāma. And when those were done, then I was reckless enough to dive into another two. In those times, and many in between, I was ready to give up: exhausted, frustrated, mentally drained. But Rādhā-Śyāma drove me on.
But now I feel the goad of Their Lordships pulling me in a different direction, and it’s not in the direction of varṇāśrama. What is it? Well I would like to start on Vilāpa-kusumāñjali, a separate book, not simply in the form of an excerpt of Nava-vraja-mahimā. The plan would be to expand on the 250 pages that are in Nava-vraja-mahimā 4, to 400-450 pages, and improve the English translations of the verses. Those 250 pages were done in one month: my currently unmatched sprint. Due to time constraints I had to be conservative with content and didn’t have the luxury of rewrites. So there’s more to do.
And that’s where my mind and heart are drawn. I hear the clock ticking away and when I consider the list of books I would like to write, I know that I wont be able to fulfil all the obligations that pull me away from writing. My duty to the GBC was one. But the many and varied personal interactions I have with devotees may be another. Anyway, that’s for a future newsletter.
The fact is that Codex 2 need not be dependent on me. Our varṇāśrama team in Hungary have already divided the next four volumes (2-6) among themselves with the understanding that Codex 2 would be my last written contribution to varṇāśrama. Someone else could write that.
So that’s where I’m at. And that’s the load I’m currently carrying. The topic is on our next varṇāśrama team agenda. I hope someone in the team is willing to unburden me. If not, well you know I’m quite a dutiful type. I may just have to “do the needful”. Seems like I heard that phrase somewhere.